Personal Pitty Party...My Workouts Suck.

Getting back into working out has been tough. In my case, getting there isn't the hard part. I show up everyday but unfortunately, I suck at everything. It's really great to receive encouragement from people, but I've lost all strength and am completely starting over. There's no denying that. 

I'm 8 weeks post partum, and I've been working out for 2 weeks, since I got cleared by my OBgyn. 

I wonder daily if I'll ever return to same level that I was once at. I've been doing CrossFit for going on 6 years now, and over time, I'd built up strength and skills. While pregnant, I managed to maintain ability to do most movements without discomfort or fear until I was about 7 months pregnant. I did however, then reduce the amount of weight I used. I also reduced the frequency of my workouts in my 3rd trimester. Instead of working out 5 or 6 days a week, I'd only work out 3 days a week on average. I tried to brisk walk everyday as well. 

I CrossFitted throughout my whole pregnancy, literally up until the last week.  However, I couldn't do much at that point. I'd just show up and walk, do lunges, modified push ups, air squats, and used free weights. I just need to pass the time and keep moving. 

After I had the baby, I was off for 6 weeks. When I started back, I can tell you this:

I can hardly do a sit up. My abdomen is so weak! 

A 45 lb. bar now feels really heavy, where as 95 lbs. used to feel about right. 

A hand stand push up is just not happening. Ever again. How was I ever even able to do those? I can't remember...

Running really takes it out of me. Talk about winded! 

Swinging a 35 lb. Kettle bell literally feels like my life's greatest accomplishment, where as I used to could swing a 53 lb. kettlebell if a Wod called for it. 

Forget ever deadlifting 225 lbs or more ever again. I don't think it will happen. With 95 lbs. now, the struggle is real. 

Real push-ups are super hard. Knee push ups are even somewhat of a challenge. I dream of nice arms. 

I used to be able to do nearly 100 double-unders unbroken. Now I'm lucky if I can get 15 without having to stop and take a breath, and I might as well pee while I'm at it. That really makes me sad. Because that was my thing. I was really good at jump roping! : ( 

Rapid fire box jumps too! Not now. I'm scurrrred! 

I know what you're thinking... "Give it a chance. You just had a baby!" I know. I know. But it doesn't change the fact that it's a bit frustrating to be completely starting over after I worked really hard for a long time to become the average CrossFit athlete that I was. Now I'm like a newbie, scaling everything!  Let's not forget the pesky 10 lbs that I currently feel will never fall off. I'm also thinking, at what point will I say, "I now hate salad..." because you can only eat it so many times before you are sick of it! That happened to me with sweet potatoes years ago. I can barely touch them because I ate them too much for several years, in attempts to avoid white potatoes. 

And will my stomach ever look like it once did? That seems impossible too.  I need to have patience and give it some time. But it's hard when you have a crazy sense of urgency like I do and want things done yesterday. 

Oh well. Hopefully it will happen. Strength will return and I'll bounce back. But it the meantime, it sucks and I'm allowed to say it. Poor me. This is my one pitty party in print. Then I'll get over it.